


Can't Stop Loving You

by deklovia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Arthur is reborn, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mild Smut, Reincarnation fic, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-18 03:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1413736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deklovia/pseuds/deklovia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>basically,<br/>Merlin is alone, sad and desperately in love with Arthur and is waiting for him to return.<br/>*THEN ARTHUR RISES AGAIN*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS THE EDIT VERSION OF THE FIRST CHAPTER. The only thing that is different is that there is more stuff in between after Anhora and Arthur.
> 
> This is my first fic, and I hope it turns out well!! This was written for a prompt from my friend for a reincarnation!fic. Hope you guys like it! :) Please rate and review!!

"Anhora, I know you can hear me! I wish to speak with you!”

Merlin’s voice rang out clear as he stood on the edge of the Lake of Avalon. Body still as youthful as it was centuries ago, the only telltale sign of his true age was his eyes. The eyes that had seen far too much, far too soon. The eyes that had seen everything from bloodshed and war to death and destruction. The eyes of a man with a burden far too heavy to carry.

As he waited for the Anhora, his eyes skimmed over the Lake, and the Isle. Physically, it had not changed much since the reign of Pendragon. However, for the past few centuries, there had been a desolate air in Avalon, a sense of loneliness. Most Witches, Warlocks and any other magical creature had been hunted down and killed a few hundred years ago. And now, the world had not gotten much better. Years of magic and witchcraft were looked down upon as legend, little more than a bedtime story. ‘Oh, it’s just wishful thinking,” was the nicest thing one could say. It was like Uther's rule, except this time, no one actually believed that magic existed. The last magical creature that Merlin had met, a druid girl, had been declared a “freak accident”, a chemical anomaly. She had been locked up in an asylum, no, a mental institution. Times were changing fast, and Merlin wasn’t sure whether it would be for the better or worse. What Merlin did know was that he couldn’t go through this anymore. Not alone.

Time seemed to still as Anhora emerged. The grass and trees and water seemed to sing around him, and it was only then that it seemed to be as though nothing has changed, that Avalon was restored to its former glory. “What is it that you require this time, Emrys?” spoke Anhora in his gravelly voice. “I want to know when Arthur will return” stated Merlin firmly.

If he could have rolled his eyes, Merlin suspected that he would have. He gave off an impression of distinct annoyance when he answered. “He will rise when the time comes, and the land has need for him!”

“This is what you told me a hundred and fifty years ago, I want to know WHEN!”, Merlin almost shouted, “You say that Arthur will return when we have need of him; every day humanity struggles to act with moral value! People are starving on the streets and the rulers still are corrupt and unjust, all to line their own pockets!”. His deep blue eyes shimmered gold as he continued, “Society is crumbling and people’s lives are failing, when have we ever needed more help? Arthur is the Once and Future King, and you claim that he will return when needed, but where is he now?”.

Anhora did not look taken aback at his exclamation, in fact, he looked like he had expected it. “You are lonely”.

“I - what?” Merlin looked slightly confused, and even abashed.

He continued, with a slight smile and a knowing gleam in his eye, “You are lonely, and isolated, in the new world of logic and science as opposed to magic and lore. No one from your past life, your first life, remains, and neither do any human friend or lover you have ever had. You have watched every person you have ever loved die, but you are unable to do so yourself. You bear the blessing and curse of being destined to assist the Once and Future King in his attempt to better the world. You have never been able to tell many the truth of your identity, fearing ridicule and speculation, and no one can understand that part of your life unless they have lived through it. The world is changing, and although you accept it, you do not embrace it. You are still too connected to the past, and you refuse to move on. You want to die, Emrys, and the only thing stopping you from completely giving up hope is the knowledge that Arthur will one day rise again”.

Merlin looked defensive and angry when he answered. “Why can’t I be lonely? So what if I am? I saw my friends, my family grow old and die beside me! My life was ripped away when everyone I knew and loved left me, and I was left with some scraps and centuries more to live! The only thing keeping me going is the fact that one day, I’ll see Arthur, but decade after decade and there is no sign of Arthur! How can I move on when I know that Arthur will come back? How can I not dwell on what has happened when I know that I will once again see him, and know him, and-”

“Love him”, Merlin was about to say, but he knew better. Anhora, however, looked like he knew exactly what Merlin was going to say.

Merlin’s eyes flickered nervously, but he went on, “I’m growing old, Anhora. I may not look it, but I am. I have had more than my fair share of bad experiences. I am becoming tired, and I don’t have much to live for anymore. Civilisation will burn in a few years, and the humans will once again pick themselves up and create a new world order, as they have done many times before. I don’t see why they need me.”

The pain that was in his eyes and voice unnerved Anhora. Merlin had never been that good at hiding secrets (except for the one that counted), and Anhora had never seen him this old or hurt.

“Emrys, I am several millennia old as well-”

“But this is what you began as! You started as the Keeper of Unicorns, and that is the only life you have ever known! I, however, lived a different life, and I miss my old life so, so much”, said Merlin, voice cracking at the end.

When Anhora replied, he had an expression on his face that looked oddly like pity.

“Take heart, warlock Emrys, for your King will soon be with you once more. Perhaps even sooner than you think.”

“But-”

Before Merlin could protest, Anhora was gone.

“Damn you, Anhora”, mumbled Merlin. He was getting tired of Anhora’s cryptic words, and was beginning to lose hope in Arthur returning. His stormy, conflicted blue eyes looked out at the Lake of Avalon, still as glass and shimmering gently in the afternoon sunlight. It looked as magnificent as it had years ago, when Merlin had cremated his loved ones. He remembered the wooden boat, cutting through the crystal surface of the water. The Viking Funerals he had given them: Freya, and Lancelot…and…and Arthur.

Looking back now, it all seemed ages ago, and the world had changed so much, but he could still remember it as clear as day. He could see Freya, her beautiful chocolate brown eyes frantic as she promised to repay him for making her feel loved, die in his arms. He saw Lancelot, thanking him for setting him free from Morgana’s control over him as a Shade, finally rest in peace. He saw Arthur struggle to take his last breaths as, the annoying prat he was, decided to thank him before he died.

Merlin sniffled out a laugh, only then realising that there were silent tears streaming down his face. He quickly rubbed his eyes dry and started walking to his car, preparing for the long and arduous drive back to his apartment.

Before he could get to his car, he heard the water of the Lake of Avalon ripple gently. The sudden movement from the normally still lake made Merlin suspicious. The ripple started to get bigger, and louder, and Merlin whipped around. The undulating surface the lake seemed to be converging on something. And Merlin caught a flash of familiar blonde hair in the water. His heart clenched, and he was shocked beyond belief as the water seemed to push the thing, or person, towards the shore. “No…it can’t be…” muttered Merlin frantically.

The water had almost brought it to the riverbank. It was getting clearer, and Merlin could definitely make out a human silhouette. He desperately stumbled across the grass and towards the unknown person. His suspicions were getting stronger every second, but he tried not to let it get the better of him as he knew, if he was proved wrong, it would break him.

The water had finally deposited the person to the water bank. The man started coughing and spluttering out water.The golden hair and familiar armour and chain mail told Merlin exactly who the person was. His eyes began to glimmer with more unshed tears. “A…A…Arthur?” He choked out.

When he turned around, all Merlin could register was that familiar face smiling back at him. The face he had dreamed about for ages, the face that was nothing more than an intangible memory of a time long past, was now staring at him, in the flesh.

“Merlin!” exclaimed the sopping wet Arthur, and hugged him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY.  
> SO SO SORRY.  
> THIS IS SUPER OVERDUE. But I was tied up with school and stuff. After my exams, I had to prepare for a writing camp and a MUN conference and a competition and I DIDN'T UPDATE and I am SO SORRY!!  
> This is not a very good excuse. Well. Sorry :(
> 
> AND I will be gone from Monday to Friday for my writing camp, so no updates till next weekend :( If I can squeeze in one tomorrow, I will (I can try but no promises sorry).
> 
> So anyways, enjoy! (There is some Merthur fluff here hehehe have fun)

When he turned around, all Merlin could register was that familiar face smiling back at him. The face he had dreamed about for ages, the face that was nothing more than an intangible memory of a time long past, was now staring at him, in the flesh.

“Merlin!” exclaimed the sopping wet Arthur, and hugged him.  


“Ar…arthur??” spluttered Merlin, arms around the drenched man, relishing in his touch and holding on as though he could never let go.

“No, really?”, he exclaimed sarcastically, squeezing Merlin tight for just a moment more before letting Merlin go. “Of course I’m bloody Arthur, who else would I be?” The bright smile remained on his face as he slung an arm around Merlin.

“Wha..how are you here? How did you get here?” asked Merlin, nonplussed. “You…what happened after you…you died?”

Arthur’s smile dimmed just the tiniest bit. “I…I don’t know Merlin. All I know is that after I…after I died, it felt like I was in a deep, dreamless sleep, and I couldn’t even tell how much time had passed. I was woken up by this woman…she told me she was the Lady of the Lake, and that the world needed me again. That you needed me again.”  
“Anyways,” continued Arthur brightly, with a wide smile that looked suspiciously forced, “you seem as young and, well, incompetent as ever, so I-GOOD GOD Merlin what in god’s name are you wearing?” exclaimed Arthur, disbelievingly looking at Merlin’s jeans and blue v-neck tee-shirt. “You look completely ridiculous! Well, even more than normal,” finished Arthur, rather fondly.

“You’d better change back into proper clothes once we get back to Camelot! Speaking of Camelot, how is everyone? Is Gwen okay? What about Percival? And Gaius?”

The joy that had bubbled up in Merlin at seeing Arthur slowly turned into dread and panic, for he did not know how in the world he could explain to Arthur that all he ever knew was gone. How could he tell him that his home was replaced by a world that was as different from it as snow was from coal.

Sensing Merlin’s inner anxiety, Arthur’s smile faded. “Merlin,” he asked slowly, “what is it?”

“Arthur,” began Merlin hesitantly, “you might want to sit down, this is going to be a lot to take in.”

Arthur frowned slightly, a crease in his forehead, but sat down on the grass of the riverbank next to Merlin, looking expectantly at him. “Arthur…” began Merlin with trepidation, “there…um…there is no easy way to put this, but…there is no Camelot. There is no Albion. The place is now called England.”

“England?” frowned Arthur, scrunching up his nose adorably, “who names the greatest empire in the world England? How long has this been going on? Did Gwen and the Knights actually agree to this?!”

“Arthur, let me finish,” pleaded Merlin. “This place has been called England for quite a long time now. There is no empire, no Albion anymore, because the Camelot you knew perished hundreds of years ago. You’ve been dead for over a thousand years, Arthur. Gwen, Percival and everyone else you ever knew died many, many years ago.”

Arthur snorted out a laugh, “I’m not a fool Merlin, what do you take me for? Stop lying!”

“I’m not lying!” said Merlin desperately, “please believe me Arthur!”

Arthur rolled his eyes and smirked. “Okay, for two seconds I’ll indulge in your absolutely ridiculous theory. If I have been dead for over a thousand years, how the hell are you still here, spry and barely a year over the last time I saw you?”

“Arthur,” Merlin said gently, “I’m a warlock, remember? I’m immortal. Also, I was always meant to help you, and I had to stay alive all those centuries to wait for you. Two sides of the same coin, remember?” laughed Merlin weakly.

Arthur, while listening to Merlin, had slowly become more and more still. When Merlin had finished, he forced out a laugh. “You’re just pulling my leg, aren’t you Merlin?” said Arthur desperately, trying to cling on to the bit of hope that this might all just be a lie.

“I wish I were, Arthur, I really do,” sighed Merlin heavily.

“No,” choked out Arthur, “no, no, no! They’re all gone? Everyone? Everything?” Merlin sighed, his heart heavy, “Yes Arthur, they’re all gone.” Arthur closed his eyes tightly, hands clenched into fists at his side, hoping, praying with every last fibre of his being that this was all a huge joke, just a prank that Merlin decided to play on him. But a large part of him knew that Merlin was probably telling the truth, and that he would never joke about something this big.

A tear started to slip out of Arthur’s eye, and he got up and started running into the forest, somewhere, anywhere, ignoring Merlin’s desperate shouts. Somewhere along the way, he started panting, lungs burning. Arthur slowed down, and braced his hands against a tree, holding back unshed tears. He didn’t even notice that Merlin had crept up behind him.

“Arthur,” said Merlin, softly.

“Go away!” Arthur rasped out. “No, I’m not leaving you here,” replied Merlin, gently but firmly. “I’m a king. A king, Merlin. Kings don’t cry,” scoffed Arthur condescendingly, the effect somewhat marred by the small sniffs that punctuated his words.

“Well, you’re not a king anymore, Arthur, so you can let it out.”

Merlin took a step closer to Arthur, and touched his wrist. “Let it all out,” he muttered softly. With that, it was like a dam broke in Arthur. He grabbed Merlin and buried his face in his neck, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. Merlin’s pulse fluttered at the intimate position, Arthur’s head nestled in his neck, his face nuzzling Arthur’s hair.

“I can’t believe…that I was never there! I didn’t see them, didn’t get to tell them…never told Gwen I loved her” blubbered Arthur.

Merlin’s heart constricted painfully at the mention of Arthur’s former lover and wife, the one who got to hold him and have his love, while the heartbroken Merlin had to stand and watch from the sidelines. A chill washed over him, and he had to remind himself that Arthur didn’t love him, of course he didn’t, he just needed comfort in the form of the familiar. Merlin berated himself, telling himself to put himself together and focus on Arthur.

“She knew,” mumbled Merlin, “they all knew, Arthur, don’t beat yourself up over this. You may be a clotpole, but you cared.”

“Oh, so I’m a clotpole, am I?” Arthur laughed weakly, “then I wonder what that makes you?”

Merlin laughed, relieved that Arthur wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t banter with his former servant. However, he knew that Arthur would definitely miss his old life soon. He was going to have to re-learn everything about the world. Adapt to a completely new life.

And Merlin would be the one who had to teach him.


End file.
